Day 100: late to the party

Here we are. Day 100. Did I think I’d reach it? Yes. Did I think I’d keep up this frequency of posting? In all honesty…probably not. But, that’s exactly why I set the challenge and made a ‘thing’ of it: creating a website and a social media account to - even if only subconsciously - create a little bit of outside expectation to ensure I stuck to the schedule and kept consistent. It’s so easy for any of us to run away from a challenge, and indeed the problems they can present, but if you suffer from an anxiety disorder it’s almost second nature to shy away because you fear the obstacles and how you’ll cope (or not cope) before you’ve even begun.

There are no impossible obstacles, per se, but there are challenges. Finding the time to sit and write, for example. The creativity comes naturally, but the language and the grammar required to express them in words certainly doesn't! I am useless at proofing my own writing; I read sentences over and over again in my head to the point they no longer make sense, which then agitates my anxiety and causes a total mind blank where I can’t even read or write my own name. The same goes for ideas: I’m sitting there, I have an idea, I grab my phone to make a note of it, and then halfway through writing it I get myself into such a panic of thinking that I’ll forget it before I’ve put pen-to-paper (or pixel-on-screen in this case) that I do actually end up forgetting it. So I delete it and find myself at square one again. Maybe I should take up an evening grammar class!

Anyway. This post is celebratory. Day 100! Before we talk food, though, I want to say thank you to everyone following; whether you just follow on social media or read the blog (you deserve a medal if you do the latter), thank you for your interaction and time! I hope it inspires you, too, to embrace the things you love and find the courage to overcome any insecurities and worries. I’m still working on mine, I have my ups and downs, but every day this cookalong brings some kind of joyous reward - and for that, I am always grateful. And thank you, Nigella; for being so kind and generous with your interactions and comments, not just with me but with everyone; for tolerating the daily tagging from me; for being supportive; for your wonderful writings and food; for teaching me how to eat; for the community you share openly and so enthusiastically; and for just being lovely. (How many grammar crimes did I just commit there?!)

And (last one, but not least), thank you to my husband; for tolerating my strops when the oven doesn’t play ball; for waiting patiently as I have a hissy fit over trying to a half-decent photo, while his food gets cold; for your support; and for everything. And thank you to all my family and friends, and especially to anyone who's donated, as well!

I’ve been referencing today’s choice since Cook Eat Repeat was published, over six months ago now, and it got to the point in the end where I knew I just had to save it for a milestone moment. So, without further ado, I gladly present Nigella’s Fish Finger Bhorta as our celebratory dish for Day 100!

Nigella’s Fish Finger Bhorta

I am one of those people that likes to tell people I have a packet of fish fingers in the freezer for late snacking, but in truth, I do not. That’s certainly not from lack of wanting to, though, I assure you; it’s another one of those things that evade my shopping cart every week and for no good reason at all other than a forgetful brain and an incapability of following a list. Shops can very much be like a lucky dip for me; not knowing what’s in the cart until I get home and unpack the bags. That’s why my line-ups for this cookalong often change without notice.

Alas, I now have fish fingers. And everything else I need to make this fish finger bhorta.

I won’t talk about the evocations of the fish finger, as I think this has been covered enough times in tweets and articles surrounding this particular dish, but while we’re here, a fish finger sandwich for me has to be: two slices of heavily buttered soft white bread, with a full-fat good mayo spread on one side and the hot fish fingers laid down on the other buttered side (this way you get melted butter on one side, and a semi-melted butter/mayo combo on the other). Before closing the sandwich, the fish fingers are squashed slightly with the back of a fork and then malt vinegar and salt applied. And sometimes, when the mood strikes me, I like to lay down a few crinkle-cut pickled gherkins in there for good measure, too.

In impatient times, which is most of the time, I use the microwave to cook fish fingers - they’re only ever destined for a sandwich and I can’t be bothered to wait 20 minutes for the oven to heat up, and then another 15 minutes for them to cook - so the smell of oven roasting ones put me in mind of standing in line outside the fish and chop shop.

It’s a wonderful recipe to cook, assemble and eat. I bought enough fish fingers to make this twice, so will be doing it again very soon.

For the pink-pickled onions, I used some of the pink pickling liquor from the jar of pickled rhubarb (Day 99) that I’m currently working my way through. Added a nice aromatic, aniseedy tang.

Flavour musings

On Tuesday night, just as I took my first forkful of post-vaccine spaghetti (that I had been looking forward to ALL day), I bit hard on the inside of my lip. I now have two ulcerated puncture marks where a tooth from above and a tooth from below met on the inside of my juicy bottom lip. Delightful! There are bigger traumas in the world, I know, but it’s had me in a foul mood all week - and it couldn’t have come at a worse time for eating something like this bhorta.

It burnt. It stang. It hurt! But I persevered through every wince as each mouthful of ginger, garlic, chilli, and lime, and onions and crunchy breadcrumbs, and vinegar, provoked a new tear in each eye. I overdramatise. They were an indistinguishable mix of tears of pain and tears of joy. It hurt, a lot, but I still enjoyed every mouthful with pleasure and gratitude; tastes, smells, and a site, so vibrant it could uplift the dullest of moods.

I finally arrived at the party. And I’m not leaving. Celebrating Day 100 of 365 Days of Nigella in style, with Nigella’s Fish Finger Bhorta. One mouthful of this will reanimate and comfort dreary souls and have tastebuds up on the tables dancing! And that’s my kind of party.